Why you should never read OUR fanfiction
by Seriously Yours
Summary: Have you ever wondered how the characters would react if they read the lies in our fanfiction?Wonder no more...Take a front row seat and enjoy the show.


**Disclaimer: We don't own Avatar. It belongs to Nickelodeon. If we did own it, mmm… the PG rating would be history. lol **

**Why you should never read our fan fiction.**

**(It's essential that you read all the other Top Ten jokes to get these.)**

**In the dead of the night, at the hour of the spirits, a swarm of storks delivered the scripts of " Top Ten Hey That's Not Fair Moments, Top ten WTF Moment and WTF moments Part II, to the chambers of a number of people. These blissfully unaware participants were Zuko, Iroh, Ozai, Zhao, Zula, Ji, Aang, Sokka and Katara.**

**Sit back and observe the madness that ensues in the morning, when these morons wake up.**

"ZUKO is NOT my SON" bellowed Zhao incinerating half of the page he was reading.

"Sir?" questioned an amused guard wondering if his commander was having a sudden attack of conscience.

"How can _anyone _draw a parallel between _me,_ an upstanding, driven, rising star and that pompous pampered peacock of a ponce? Tell me ONE thing we share in common?"

"Well sir…" The guard pondered. "Beside the strange fixation with silk underwear and the tendency to get your kicks from chasing bald kids around, you two have absolutely NOTHING in common.

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"I'm NOT a werewolf!" Zula yelled hard enough to shake the foundations.

"Really?" challenged her father maliciously, "Then what exactly, are the sounds I hear from your bed room every full moon?"

Zula: "Umm…Zhaoonlyvisitsinthemoonlight.hethinksitsromantic"

"Whatever! In case you haven't noticed, my feline daughter, there seem to be certain lack of jokes ridiculing _me_. I can only come to the conclusion that the cowardly writers of this scrap called a story are afraid of the power I wield." Ozai allowed a smirk to twist his lips.

"How could they mock you father?" retorted Zula, "When you never even show your face?"

"AZULA" thundered Ozai, but his daughter was on a roll.

"If they _ever_ see that ugly mug of yours…." Zula shrieked in laughter, "Boy, I can't wait to read the jokes about _that_"

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Zhao stared grimly at the sheaf of parchments laid on the table before him. Clue or

Red-herring? To lead or mislead?

After he had waded through the ferocious lies written about his possible progeny and his apparent inability to acquire a love interest, Zhao had finally come across a finding that was worthy of attention.

_Katara: Zuko if I kiss you, will you promise me not to hurt Aang?_ He read aloud. _Katara,_ that had to be the water tribe wench, the Admiral deduced.-Katara- Zutara- Suddenly realization lightened the dim, cobwebbed corners of Zhao's mind. Hmm… he might have just struck gold, yet his recent defeat at the Agni Kai compelled him to take a second opinion.

"Jan Sing, get in here," Zhao yelled. Within minutes, his second lieutenant entered the tent and saluted smartly.

"Yes sir?"

"I'm going to mention two names, I want you to link them together and tell me the first word that comes in to your head. Any jokes and you'll be cleaning the latrines with your tongue, _understand_?"

"Of course sir."

"Katara…Zuko" Zhao barked.

The guard choked.

"Well?"

"Umm…There is no wrong answer is there?" the lieutenant hazarded.

"Answer fool." Zhao thundered.

"ugh…Kazuko?"

"Arrh…Try again imbecile." Zhao gnashed his teeth. "Zuko and Katara."

"Zukara"

"Out! Out! Out!"

After the guard had beaten a hasty retreat, Zhao sat down to asses his options.

**Zukara**-**Zutara**, close enough! This means that who ever the author of this narrative had seen fit to couple off the banished prince with the barbarian female. Zutara had been mentioned multiple times always in relation to a ship. Relation to a ship as-in- _relationship_. Zhao, mentally high-fived himself. Could this girl be Zuko's weakness? Has his little heart been surrendered? How sweet! Now all he had to do was to find the girl and hold her as bait. The Avatar would come for her so will the prince. Two birds in one stone. Zhao smiled maliciously, and then his smiles faltered,

……now he had to figure out what the hell **Kataang** was.

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**Aboard the banished ship-**

Zuko thundered into his uncle's room, brandishing the sheaf of paper.

"Uncle, when I find the foul minded fabricators of these…"

"Ahhh Zuko…" Iroh grinned, "How come you never told me…"

"Told you what?"

"…That you've considered underhand deals with sworn enemies of the fire nation? Namely a certain lovely water bender"

"_WHAT_ are you prattling about Uncle?"

"Immunity for a _kiss_? My dear nephew if I knew that you were this desperate I would have arranged something." Iroh smiled condescendingly.

Zuko burst into flame.

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"I'll have them DISMISSED!" Zuko shouted some time later so that everyone could hear him.

"What's the matter Zuko?" Iroh asked running into his room.

"They left me in my time of need" Zuko hissed.

"Who did?" Iroh asked concerned.

"The guards"

Iroh took the papers from Zuko and started to read_… Zuko: (standing over his men) "Men I need to capture the Avatar! If you are brave enough, honourable enough stay here, the rest of you can leave."_

…………………_Zuko waves away the cloud of dust made by many running feet. _

Iroh laughed to himself. Then an evil thought occurred to him 'we should do that more often'.

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I DO NOT LOVE THE Avatar! Zuko shouted.

"Sure you do" Iroh answered.

"What makes you say that?

"Well you follow him everyday don't you?"

"That's not a good enough reason!" Zuko shouted.

"Sure it is, the only thing that is more obsessed than you, are the rhinos in our basement who are trying to get to the female who is tied to the other end of the boat."

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Zuko paced the floor angrily, try as he might he couldn't prevent his Uncle from reading the malicious story. _I could bare it if he read it silently_. Zuko fumed._ But no, he has to giggle and flounce around every few seconds. _

"She's right!" Iroh exclaimed suddenly.

"Who?" spat out Zuko, without thinking.

"Katara"

"Who?"

"The pretty water bender; you know, the owner of the necklace you kept under your pillow?"

"I do NOT keep female accessories under my pillow Uncle…What was she right about?"

Smirking slightly, Iroh began reciting.

"_From a certain angle, and in a particular kind of light, Zuko isn't unattractive."_ Here Iroh looked up and surveyed his nephew critically.

"Funny, I never really noticed that before"

**Zuko gritted his teeth and started to read again.**

**Iroh looked up, as Zuko suddenly gave a start and looked around cautiously. Zuko noticed his Uncle's gaze and hurriedly stamped the trademark sneer on his face. Nevertheless, he got up and left the room pocketing the scandalous story.**

_Why ME? Zuko thought. Why Ji? He never ever had any inappropriate thought about the lieutenant. Furthermore, let the gods strike him down, the day, he, Prince of the fire nation fell in love with a man. Zuko wondered what he had ever done to the writers to deserve this. Maybe they were friends with his father? And these lies were written to add insult to injury? _

_Zuko briefly considered ordering Ji to handover his copy of lies before he read…the…THING. Then he decided against it. If he didn't draw any attention to it, maybe the captain would miss that part. Please let him miss that part……_

_A/N (Poor Zuko how can Ji miss three quarters of the story? Muwahhhaa)_

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**In the Captains quarters-**

Lieutenant Ji had never been this embarrassed in his life.

He enjoyed the jabs at Zuko all right, so much so that he invited the helmsman to listen to the other tall tales. But then he'd come across the monstrous lies about _him _and the _helmsman_. Ji desperately racked his mind to remember any situation in which he had behaved in such a manner to give _anyone_ any such ideas. No. he had always acted like a captain should. But here it was, for the whole world to read. _Lieutenant Ji likes the helmsman. _

"C'mon Captain…Read some more."

Ji nervously licked his lips and attempted to bundle the papers into a drawer.

"That's enough for the night. Return to your look out."

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**Giving into curiosity, Zuko resumes reading the documents.**

**After a short silence, he comes across this:**

_Zhao will marry your sister, and since you're not there to take the throne, he will rule over the Fire Nation_. _You will join the forces of good and defeat Zula and Zhao. _

_You'll fall in love with the water bending girl with the long hair and make her your queen. You'll have three nasty brats who'll breathe fire and live happily ever after._

**Zuko is unruffled, he doesn't believe in fate and he doesn't believe in fairy tales. He continues reading. **

_(Iroh took in a great breath.) "Oh And I'll get together with Jun" (pumps fist in air. Yeah!)_

**Zuko chokes and starts hyperventilating. Jun and Iroh? _Getting together? _Zuko briefly sees a mental image of a tattooed baby, sitting on a Pai-Sho board, drinking tea.**

**Throne be damned, Honor be damned. The cousin must die.**

**Zuko abandons his reading and goes to hire an assassin to polish off Jun. **

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**In the darkness of the night, the Helmsman creeps into the Captain's chamber and steals away the bundled papers from the drawer in which they were deposited.**

**In the safety of his tower, the helmsman reads:**

"_Where have you been Zuko? You missed music night. Lieutenant Ji sang a stirring love song." Iroh waved his hand gently to emphasize how stirring it was._

_Zuko's stopped in mid stride and spun to face his uncle. "Who did he sing it to?" he demanded._

"_Umm… the helmsman I believe…" Iroh replied nonchalantly._

**The Fire Prince, the Dragon of the West and Lieutenant Ji wakes up at the earsplitting YAY HOOOOO that echoes around the ship.**

"Helmsman what is the meaning of this insanity?" Zuko yells, pissed at having his dream no… sleep disturbed.

"AT LAST!" the helmsman screams. "_Someone_ NOTICED!"

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**The Second morning –**

Iroh waddle into Zuko's room waving the fic and shouting.

Uncle stop reading those falsehoods" Zuko orders.

"I CAN aim _PERFECTLY _!" Iroh declares angrily.

Zuko smirks as he remembers the toilet fiasco.

"I'll take your word for that uncle." He sneers.

"No need to take my word prince Zuko. Here, I'll show you."

NOOOOOOOO! Zuko shouts as Iroh takes out his **CENCORED **and aims it at Zuko.

A minute later, the room is dripping with yellow liquid except the intended target.

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**Zuko had had enough. He wanted nothing more than to scorch every last copy of the infernal story and be done with it. All the men were in an uproar. They were whispering and giggling like silly girls. Even the usually calm and cool Ji was giving him odd looks. However, to his precise mind, leaving an unfinished story was out of the question. And _that_ didn't make his mood any less foul.**

"When I find the writers of these untruths, I will order them executed." Zuko snarled. He spun around and faced his Uncle, "But how am I supposed to bring them to justice when they hide behind pieces of paper?"

"Umm Zuko…Their names are right at the top of the story. See… Lord Baal and La Femme"

"_Lord?_ What kind of a Lord would disgrace a prince with rumors and lies?"

"uhh, a Baal?" Iroh said uncertainly.

"We're all entitled to be stupid Uncle, but you're _abusing_ that privilege."

"Ha ha ha" Iroh laughed heartily at the fury in Zuko's face. "My dear nephew, if prosecuting the writers is your wish, of course I'll help."

"I'm listening"

"Ok let me analyze this carefully. The two authors seem to be male and female. Hmm possibly teenage brother and sister. From the style of writing the sister seems to fancy you, while the brother… well…hates you. But this is a bit puzzling …The girl seems to write all the tales about your obsession with Ji. (Zuko is there anything you want to tell me?) The boy seems intent on pushing the Avatar with the water bender while his sister would rather the girl ended up with you. I sense many hours of verbal battle concerning the Water maiden's fate. Reading this I see that the sister had won…. _Know Thy Enemy_. Admit it Zuko: I seem to have a knack for this."

"Yeah right!" Zuko rolled his eyes. "You actually want me to believe you?"

"Of course my boy, I can see invisible Spirit dragons carrying invisible avatars in broad day light, Did you _really _thinkthat I can't handle some Reverse Psychology?"

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Sokka, the 'last south pole warrior' sat on a rock and thought. He thought long and hard. The sun set. The sun rose. The winds blew and the seasons changed.

"Ha! I've GOT it! _Aang!_ You filthy piece of hairless scum! Get away from my sister."

Behold the drama when Sokka finally figured out what **Kataang **was.

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**Hi people, **

**Ok first of all, we want to thank all of you amazing reviewers who took time off to review not just once but multiple times. Its such a rush to wake up every morning to have a load of reviews just waiting to be read. I'm in the middle of university exams so reading your comments is like a breath of fresh air in a public bathroom.(lol) Thank you so much guys.**

'**Zukolover' you can relax now, see your man isn't gay. 'Zukoisgay' I'm sorry, I just can't risk taking chances with the Zuko fan club/mob. I'm too young to die at their hands.**

**Did you notice that we haven't put the response from the Aang Gang. That's because that set of jokes would be put as the next chapter. We need some help with that…there are too many jokes to be commented on individually so nominate the one's you like and we'll make up a tale about it.**

**One last word to Katara123, are you a Diablo player? if so Lord Baal is the third demon brother in that. He is the Lord of Destruction. I have no idea but my brother is fascinated with the name. (Boys!)**

**We hope you enjoyed this,**

**Please Review,**

**La Femme.**


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